Sue writes:

“What is control? Is control something that is healthy or unhealthy? I know that I have no wish to control anyone else on this earth.”

“And I don’t want anyone else to try to control me. So taking control of my choices is a mature, responsible thing to do. Blaming other people when my choices go awry is a sign of emotional immaturity, a language we learned when we were younger and surviving in the world, in the big world around us where people didn’t really take much notice of how we felt about things, and instead just told us what to do and made sure we did what they said. And if we didn’t, then they would, that we would be told that we were naughty and we would have to then be punished and blamed and feel completely out of the control of other people, adults. This is when we’re children. So as a result of this, now as an adult, we have to look at the old behaviour and make sense of it. And so what is the difference between control or controlling and motivation for doing this, what’s your intention? And is there a difference between control and discipline?”

Chat replies:

I really like how you’re unpacking this, and you’re right—there’s a big difference. Control, especially when imposed on others, often carries a sense of domination or fear. But taking control of yourself—your choices, your boundaries—that’s empowering. Motivation, when it’s intrinsic, is driven by your values and growth, not by fear or reward. And discipline, in a healthy sense, is more like a steady, self-chosen practice—like a muscle you build. So, I’d say, yes—control is a bit of a minefield, but self-control, with intentionality, is a sign of maturity.

Outcome is this:

Subject: Reflection on Control, Choice, and Growth

Dear friends,

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to have control—not over others, but over my own choices. When I was younger, I often felt controlled by adults, expected to obey without being heard. Now, as an adult, I see that taking responsibility for my own actions is a sign of maturity. It’s not about blaming others when things go wrong; it’s about recognizing old patterns and choosing differently. I’ve realized that healthy discipline comes from intention and self-awareness, not fear or punishment. I just wanted to share this reflection, and I hope it resonates with some of you as well.

Warmly,
Sue 😊